Author: Chele
Theme challenge: Breaking Up
Things to include: “Her hair smelled like pineapple.”, a unopened letter, hammock
Rating: R/NC-17
Warnings: Adult Language/Adult Situations
Author’s Notes: So, if you want to or can, listen to Hanson’s “One More” while reading this. It makes the experience a little more meaningful and intense.

Taking this walk was the hardest thing he’d done in his twenty years. He gripped his hand around the handle of the vintage style suitcase and shifted his weight from left to right. Zac sighed tirelessly and glanced back to the house that at one time had held his heart. His tired eyes stung with tears as he watched his future suddenly becoming his past. The sound of the gravel crunching beneath his shoes reverberated through his body - silently numbing him to the core. He’d known this feeling all to well recently. Zac hung his head and let a tear drip from his sullen brown eyes.

How was it every other aspect of his life was working out? The new songs they were recording liberated their conscious as a band. But his personal life had gone astray. The woman he’d fallen quickly for he now longer knew. And now he was walking away from their home with a suitcase full of memories and a pocket full of change after a long nights fight. Why they were fighting was exactly the same as it always was. The small arguing over where the forks went suddenly bloomed into a wall punching, eye gouging, heart wrenching fight that had led to him saying those final words.

After they’d left his mouth, he’d regretted saying them, but she made him pack his things anyway. He didn’t really want to leave her. He never did. But thinking back to it now, Zac was sure that it was the right thing to do. Their relationship had been strained for a while now. The only reason he’d stayed was the familiarity and the comfort of knowing after he’d spent a good 12 hours at the studio he had someone waiting at home for him - even if the chances of them fighting once he got there was 99.9%.

The fights started about the time he spent at the studio or with his brothers. Many a nights he had come home to an unopened letter on his pillow and an empty bed. And he would sit on the edge of their bed tapping the envelope on the backside of his hand debating on opening it. He always knew what the letter said. It never failed. The words were almost verbatim. She was always fed up, aggravated, and alone. “Alone in a relationship full of pain and anguish.” There was never any time for her. She needed someone who would always be there. Zac had lost count of how many times he had explained his career to her. In fact, she knew about the time he spent away from the people he loved the most at the beginning of their relationship. He was confused and amused. Amused to the fact that she never failed to mention his sloppy living. Little did she know, he purposefully left things lying around just to annoy her. He proudly smirked to himself.

But, the nights of coming home to unopened letters soon turned into nights of coming home to a vacant life. A vacancy of trust and honesty. Her nights became longer and later, and his became worrisome and painful. He would pace the house afraid of missing a phone call, a text message…anything. Then, finally, she’d show up. Her hair smelling like pineapple. Her face plastered with a goofy smile. And her lips puffy and red. Zac knew the sweet scent of pineapple was from some club downtown where she’d spent many hours playing with the straps to her revealing top and smiling at any man that would glance her way or offer to buy her a drink. With a drink he became the other man . But he blamed himself for that. If it weren’t for his lifestyle, then none of this would have ever happened, and she would have never turned into someone she no longer liked.

That in itself made him think if this was love - or was it something kind of like love? Was love something that could reform itself? Could he reform his life into something she’d want? And was he willing to reform everything he’d ever known for a girl who had effortlessly broken him? Did this break up mean a new start? And what was that on the bottom of his shoe?

He stopped in mid-stride and glanced down to his shoe. He lifted it from the ground beneath him. A thick, pink, sticky, string of bubble gum stretched as his knee bent. Zac rolled his eyes. This was seriously turning into the worst night of his life. If one more bad thing happened, he was sure he’d find a gun and cease all of this. He stomped his foot to the ground, and swept it back and forth until the sticky gum tore in the center leaving a thick moist piece stuck to the under side of his shoe. Zac bent at the waist and settled his suitcase on the ground next to his leg and lifted the toe of his shoe up.

“Sick,” he murmured and glanced around him for something to pry the gum from his shoe. He eyed a stick a foot in font of him, and in laziness, reached as far as he could until he lost his balance. His ankle twisted and sent his knee into the hard exterior of his suitcase and his ass to the ground. The impact of the vintage suite case falling to the ground popped the lock and sent most of his clothes and books onto the dusty gravel.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Zac grumbled running his hand over his face. His cheeks were reddening with frustration. Disgusted, he began picking up the items strewn close to him and threw them into the suitcase.

“Why does shit like this always happen when I need to be away from here? I wouldn’t mind stepping in gum or having to pick clothes off of the ground at an airport, or in a parking lot. But, here, in front of the house that I don’t want to be at. She’s probably watching from the living room window laughing her ass off at me. This couldn’t have happened anywhere else?” His words were sharp and pointed and his voice growled louder as his tireless questions came to an end.

Zac stood and dusted the white dust from his jeans. He bent over and latched the suitcase once more and sat it upright. His hands were covered with the same white dust that his jeans were. He brushed both hands off on his old tattered t-shirt. The back pocket of his jeans began to vibrate, and that was when he remembered shoving his cell phone into his back pocket in a fury earlier that evening. Zac glanced toward the starry sky and rolled his eyes as his fingers dug into his back pocket. He hoped he hadn’t crushed his phone in the unexpected fall to his ass. He glanced to the screen of the phone and cursed himself for being so careless earlier. The screen was shattered and broken destructing the view of the caller’s identity. He bit his tongue and reluctantly answered.
“Hello?”

“Hey man. You call earlier?” His brothers voice was welcomed in his ear.

Zac heaved a sigh - letting his shoulders fall in relaxation. “Yeah. Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure. What is it?” Taylor sounded curious.

In the background, he heard the tired cries of Taylor’s infant son and him trying to console the sobs. Taylor’s breath whistled as he shushed his son to a quiet whimper. Zac felt guilty for calling. He knew that Taylor was probably busy with his family. He couldn’t not be. There was always something needing to be done with three children and a wife.

“Can you..um…come pick me up?” Zac’s cheeks burned. He heard Taylor shift the weight of his son over to his wife and whisper a tender ‘I love you’. Maybe he should have called Isaac.

“Sure.” He answered without a second thought. “You guys fighting again?”

“No. We’re not fighting. We um… we’re… uh…” Zac stumbled with the words he knew he’d have to say sooner or later. “Over.”

“Oh.” Taylor’s voice lowered in discomfort. “Like indefinitely?”

Zac nodded as if his brother were standing in front of him. It was then when his brother asked that question he realized this was over for good. There were going to be no more fights over clean towels or empty soda cans left sitting on the counter. It was that realization that made him think of the good times. The moments he didn’t want to let go of like waking up with her face buried in his chest or the sweet smell of her lotion after she was finished showering. There would be no more going to fancy restaurants for nights of ‘woo’-ing. And he’d have to let go of sweet tender kiss she gave him every morning and every night.

Through all of the bad fights and memories Zac could still find the moments he didn’t want to lose. So, if he didn’t want to lose them was he willing to stay in pain for those few and far between times when he felt warm and happy? Zac furrowed his brows and swallowed thickly. Maybe he was too quick to judge with saying it was over so quickly. His eyes began to sting and his stomach knotted up.

“Hey. Are you there,” Taylor asked in a worrisome voice.

“I was um…just thinking,” he answered softly.

“Listen, Zac, I know things have been good between you guys in the past, but trust me when I say this you shouldn’t feel guilty about going home after working so late in the studio. She knew what she was getting into, man. And if that doesn’t make her happy, then maybe she should find someone else who can.” Taylor, the optimist, suddenly became a realist in his brother’s ear. “There are always those moments you don’t want to let go of, but to be truly happy…sometimes you have to.”

“It’s been so long, Tay. I don’t know wether this is right or wrong. Hell, I’m not even sure what the difference between right and wrong is. So, how do I know if what I’m doing is right?” His voice shook with doubt.

“You don’t.” His brother stated simply. “You just take the chance. Trust your gut. What’s your instinct telling you to do?”

His question was simple, but it wasn’t easy to answer. Zac’s mind was telling his heart how to feel, and his heart was telling his instinct to get lost. But all-in-all, his instinct told him this was a decision he should have made a long time ago. And perhaps the decision would have been much easier if he had listened to himself long before tonight.

Zac’s eyes closed in a mix of feelings. “I should’ve done this a long time ago.” He shoved his hand into his pocket and breathed.

“This is hard, Zac. It’s never easy, but just imagine how much harder it would be if things would have progressed even further?” A sense of wisdom echoed in Taylor’s voice.

“Yeah. So, can you be here in 20 minutes?” Zac understood Taylor’s point. It wasn’t that Taylor didn’t want Zac to be happy. In fact, it was the complete opposite. Taylor wanted his brother to have what he had with his wife. They had that conversation the few times Taylor had come to pick Zac up.

“Sure.” Taylor’s reply was simple.

“I’ll be outside the gate.” Zac informed his elder brother. “And Taylor?”

“Yeah?” Taylor answered as he was about to hang up the phone.

“Thanks, man. You know…for all the times I’ve called and you’ve been there. Thanks.”

“It’s what I’m here for. See ya in a few.”

Zac hung up his cell phone. Reluctantly, he shoved it into his back pocket again before he bent over to grab the handle of his suitcase. Still bent over, Zac eyed something on his camouflage Chuck’s. He bent down further and noticed on the edge of his shoe was a thin piece of left over gum. He scrunched his nose in disgust. Zac flicked the gum off of the outer edge of his shoe with his index finger and proceeded to stand. However, between his camouflage shoes he spotted a tiny pair of bare feet. His heart quickened its beat. He stood quickly and spun around. Her eyes were swollen and red at the edges and she painfully chewed on her bottom lip.

“Hey,” she smiled that classically beautiful smile of hers through the evident pain.

“Hi,” squeaked out of his lips.

This was new. Out of every fight they had, and the countless times he had left, she had never came looking for him - to his knowledge. Right now, Zac was a mixed back of emotions. His heart ached for her, but not because he was leaving her. But because she was in pain. Zac did not like seeing anyone in pain anymore than the average person. Watching the tears cascade down her cheeks pulled at his heart strings.

“You okay,” nervously, his eyes focused in on hers.

“No,” she stifled through her tears.

“Listen, I know you better than anyone. You’ll be okay with out me.” Zac tried to comfort her on some level. He’d already made his decision. He couldn’t put himself through this kind of pain any longer. Zac sighed.

“No, I won’t,” her voice raised.

“You will. I promise. This is right. This should have happened a long time ago.” his words were painstakingly sharp and decisive.

“So, you were never happy with me? Please explain that to me, Zac, because I don’t get it.”

“Of course I was happy with you,” he emphasized ‘was’.

“Then, why are you leaving me again,” her words bit at him.

Zac stared at her in disbelief.. Was she not in this relationship as well? Did it make her happy to be miserable?

“Listen,” he sat his suitcase down and stepped closer to her. “I love you, but I’m miserable. And you are too.” She fiercely shook her head. And as Zac watched, he was sure she was trying to convince herself of the same thing. He cupped her face in his hands. “We’re miserable. You know that. I love you. You know that too. This is what’s best for us.”

“How is this the best for us? Wouldn’t the best for us to be staying together? Working it out? I don’t want to lose you, Zac.” she sobbed staring out into space.

Frustrated, Zac dropped his hands from her face and ran them through his dingy blonde hair. Twenty minutes ago, he had the same conversation with her. She apparently did not understand his feelings - or her own. The look in her eyes even reflected the misery they shared. He was surprised she couldn’t see it. Yet, he wondered if she was denying the truth. Perhaps, what she saw in the mirror was a mirage of what was real.

“We have tried to work it out.” He explained exasperated. “And you’re not losing me.”

“Yes. I am.” She sternly stated.

Zac rolled his eyes and turned around. The words that were about to leave his mouth were not the nicest words. He was sure they would make things worse. However, this was his last chance to get it out. With his back to her he spoke, “Listen, if you want to see it that way. Fine. You are losing me. It’s always the same things with you. I’m never here for you. You’re always alone. My life is too complicated for you. I explained all of that to you before this started. You told me you could handle it. And at the beginning, you did. You could. But, you were different then. Things have changed.”

“You are right, Zachary. Things have changed. You’re not the man I fell in love with. That man has become a brick wall that I’ve tried tirelessly to break down.
You offer no support. You don’t apologize when you come home late at night - or…even if you come home. Your music has always come before me.”

Zac pictured her in his mind. Her cheeks were flushed and she was pointing her tiny fingers at his back. Her lips were white around the edges and her eyes were dark and distant. He knew this side of her all too well. This is what had gotten them here. Maybe he had changed. Everyone changes. But, she couldn’t see that she had changed as well.

“You never loved me like you loved your music. And that’s all I have ever wanted from you,” she cried.

Zac spun on his heel and stared down to her. “I never will. You want to know why?” He was furious.

“Sure, Zac, tell me why. I’m sure you have some fucked up reason. Go ahead and break me more.”

He debated on the words he would use for a split second, but decided he’d take the gloves off this go around. She hadn’t been playing fair ever since she’d started sleeping around on him. It was time he gave her a reason.

“Break you more? You?” His words darted out of his mouth. His finger pointed to her sharply. “You’ve broken more in the past year than anyone has in my twenty years. But, I’m breaking you. Right? So, here’s a break for you. I’ll never love you like I love my music, because my music will never go fuck another man while I’m working my ass off for it. My music will remain faithful to me and not punish me for trying to provide for myself. I’m sorry that you can’t understand that. I’m sorry that you can’t deal with it. I’m sorry that you decided you needed to be with other men. I thought I knew you, but the second you started screwing around on me was the minute I stopped trying in this relationship. I loved you. I wanted to marry you, but that was a long time ago. And this…us…will never happen again I’ll never forgive you for betraying me. I’ll never forgive you for blaming me. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving sooner.”

A set of headlights peered down the driveway. Zac turned and blocked his eyes with his hand. Taylor stopped the car and shut the lights off. He rolled down the window and stuck his head out into the thick sweltering midsummer air. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Zac murmured turning and picking up his suitcase. He tightened his grip on the vintage case and shifted his weight from right to left. This was it. It was time to move on. The gravel crunched beneath his shoes as he took the first few steps of freedom. He felt liberated and free. Zac glanced over his shoulder at the girl he used to hold as his future. Her face was stained with tears and her eyes dark with fury. This was his past. Zac gripped the handle to the car door and swung it open. Throwing the suitcase that held his belongings in the backseat, Zac sat next to his brother and slammed the door. He tapped his hand on the dashboard as the other arm rested on the window seal. “Let’s go.”

Most of the twenty minute ride to Taylor’s home was silent. The brothers spoke only if a song came on the radio they both liked, or if something they saw seemed amusing. For most of the ride, Zac stared out of his window at the edge of the road watching the white line pass him by as he got further away from the house he used to call his home. He wasn’t sure what exactly had happened the entire night. Tempers were flared and words were spoken. The one thing that stood out to him the most was the feeling deep inside of him. This was right.

“You alright,” Taylor’s eyes darted across the car to Zac and then back to the road. He chewed on the edge of his index finger on his left hand while he drove with his right.

“Yeah,” Zac nodded. “I think so.” He smiled.

The smile felt genuine, but he wasn’t sure why he had smiled. Maybe it was relief. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was a high from finally telling her what he had wanted to for so long. Either way, it felt good. And he liked that feeling.

Taylor pulled the car into the driveway and shut it off. He stretched his arm across the seat to Zac’s shoulder and rested his hand there. In a brotherly manner,
Taylor tapped his brothers shoulder. “You sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I just need to relax - something I haven’t done in about a year,” Zac smirked at his brother.

Taylor nodded. His left hand pulled the door handle and opened the door. He removed his hand from his brothers shoulder and began to step out of the car.

“Tay?”

He sat back down and turned around. “Thanks.”

“Hey. It’s what I’m here for.” Taylor smiled as he stepped from his car.

Zac breathed heavily. He reached to the back seat and grabbed his suitcase before exiting the car. As he made his way onto the porch, Zac eyed a hammock swinging at the opposite end. His eyes sparkled as he remembered the book he had recently bought. He came to a stop behind his brother, who was toying with the lock to the door. Zac eyed the hammock again.

“Where am I going to sleep?” he questioned not tearing his eyes away from the hammock.

“Natalie blew up an air mattress and put it in the dinning room. The spare bedroom is being painted.” Taylor stated opening the door and removing his key. He turned to his right and disabled the alarm.

“That new?” Zac asked still standing outside of the door.

“What?” Taylor questioned peeking around the edge of the door toward the end of his porch. “The hammock?”

“Yeah.” Zac nodded eyeing it again.

“Well, it’s been broken in,” Taylor smirked and his eyes sparkled.

Zac laughed mouthing, “Oh.”

“UNCLE ZAC!!!” a child’s voice poured through the house causing Zac to turn his attention away from the hammock.

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Taylor laughed tossing his hands in the air as his children pushed passed their father to Zac.

Most of the night, Zac spent with his niece and nephews playing whatever it was they wanted to play. Because he could. He let his niece put pink ribbons in his shaggy hair. He even let her put pink toe nail polish on his toes. Because she wanted to, and it had been so long since he’d seen her. Zac played LEGO’s with his eldest nephew and babbled with his youngest.

As Zac lay on his back next to his youngest nephew playing with his new Baby Einstein contraption, Natalie and Taylor stood in the door way and watched. Taylor’s arm draped over his wife’s shoulder and he kissed the side of her head. Natalie took a sip of coffee and smiled.

“I love you.” Taylor whispered deeply into her ear.

“I love you too.” She whispered back and left a small gentle kiss on his lips. “You think he’s really okay with all of this?” Natalie sipped on her coffee.

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded. “I think so.”

They watched as Zac picked up the babbling infant and carried him over. “I think this one needs to be cleaned. He smells kind of funny.” Zac blew a raspberry over the infants onesie. Natalie handed her cup of coffee to Taylor, who instantly took a gulp, and swept the child into her arms. She lifted him into the air over her head causing him to giggle endlessly.

“Sheeewwwieee…someone is muddy.” She laughed swaddling the child in her arms. “I think it’s time for someone to get a bath and go to bedie-bye.” Natalie cuddled her child and headed toward the bathroom.

“Need any help,” Taylor yelled sipping her coffee again.

“You can get me another cup of coffee once you’re done drinking mine,” she echoed. Taylor smiled and blushed.

“Daaaddd…” his eldest son came trampling through the room. His arms limp and his face disgruntled. “Mom said it was time to go to bed, but I don’t want to.”

Taylor’s eyebrows raised. “Then what time do you think it is?”

His son’s eyebrows raised like his. “Oh, alright.” He sounded so disappointed.

“Say goodnight to Zac.”

“Goodnight Zac. Will you play G.I. Joe’s with me and Dad tomorrow?” he spoke quickly and turned his attention to Zac.

“Psht. Yeah.” Zac high fived his nephew.

“Night Dad. Love you,” he reached up to Taylor for a hug.

“Night. Love you too,” Taylor bent down and hugged his son and sent him off to his bedroom.

Zac sighed and stifled a yawn. He stretched his arms above his head and laughed. “Man, your kids are awesome.”

“I know,” Taylor proudly smirked. He went to take another sip of coffee, but was unpleasantly surprised to an empty cup. He looked into the cup and childly pouted. “Well, I better get Natalie some coffee since I drank the rest of this cup. We’ll probably be heading to bed here soon too. So, just make yourself at home.” Taylor turned around and headed for the kitchen.

“Alright.” Zac nodded. He eyed the crunched dinning room where he would be sleeping for the remainder of his stay - however long that would be. He wasn’t looking forward to sleeping where everyone else ate. Zac bit his lip and raised his eyebrow curiously.

“Tay,” he jogged to keep up with his brother’s long strides. “Mind if I sleep in the hammock?”

“The hammock??” Taylor asked confused.

“Yeah. The hammock. Did I stutter?” Zac’s lips curled into a cheesy smile. He loved answering his brother sarcastically because Taylor hated it. He hated sarcasm just as much as he hated the people who messed up his orders at fast food restaurants.

“You can use the pillow and blanket that are on the air mattress.” He ignored the sarcasm this time. Taylor was sure his brother would be spending a lot of time here, and he’d have to try his best to deal with Zac’s endless hindering of his pet peeves.

“SWEET!” Zac responded in excitement just like a child.

The vintage suitcase that had been the only witness to every detail of this awful night was sitting next to the front door. Zac bent and grabbed the handle. He ran his hand over the ruff exterior. It had many scuffs and scratches that rippled below his finger tips, but it was strong and useful. There was something about this suitcase that comforted him. Maybe it was the wear and tear or maybe it was that no matter what he did this suitcase had no judgement. He patted the side of it and tucked it under his arm as he made his way out the front door and to the edge of the porch where the hammock hung firmly in the humid air.

Zac began to sit the vintage suitcase on the floor of the porch, but as he was about to release his grip on the handle he decided he had done enough damage to it tonight. Tonight he would treat the scuffed and scratched case as he would treat his finest treasures because that is what this old beat up suitcase was - to him at least. It told the story of tonight and the many nights it had traveled with him to his brother’s homes with a broken heart. This suitcase represented his past. And the dents and bruises were souvenirs from along the way. So, instead of sitting it on the ground like any other time, he pulled a chair from the table next to him and sat it there. If he was going to keep this suitcase as a part of him, then he’d better take good care of it.

He popped the lock and ran his hands over the roughened leather exterior. Zac retrieved the book he’d bought recently and latched the suitcase shut. He crawled into the netting of the hammock and settled himself in. He grabbed the pillow he’d brought from inside and tossed it behind his head. He opened the book to the first page and breathed in the nights air.

It had been a very long time since Zac had been able to sit back and relax while reading a book. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but that she never let him. When he would try to relax while reading a book or magazine, he would end up sleeping at his brother’s again or she would end up out late the next night in revenge.

How could he have let his relationship get as out of hand as it was? He wandered if maybe he had gotten used to the routine of fighting, or if maybe he didn’t care as much as he wanted to. Who was to blame? Himself?

Zac closed the book in his hands and let it fall to his lap. He rubbed his fingers over his eyes and looked out into the Oklahoma night. His eyes stung with tears and he felt himself becoming uneasy with being alone. Zac took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

He had tried. In his mind, he wasn’t the one who gave up on their relationship. She was to blame when she decided she needed other men. If that was her cowardly way out, then he accepted it. What he couldn’t accept was that he no longer knew the woman he’d fallen so deeply in love with. And he missed that immensely. She was ravaging, kind, and tender. Where had she gone? He didn’t know. He was tired of blaming himself for what she thought was the right way out.

A few tears trickled down Zac’s cheeks and he stared into the distance of the night. No matter how many nights he would have to convince himself, he knew this was right. This was what he needed. It was that idea that relaxed him and ceased his temperamental tears. His breathing began to settle. His face relaxed into a peaceful tireless gaze and his eyes drooped in sleeplessness.

All he needed was a good nights worth of sleep. In the morning, he would play with his nephews, who she’d never given him time to see. In the afternoon, he would stuff himself full of potato chips and soda. And in the night, he would say one more long goodbye to the woman he’d fallen for so many years ago.